I will here admit a guilty pleasure:
I watch the tv show "House" and I love it. If for nothing else, Hugh Laurie with a Yank accent.
The season finale was fairly depressing. The most depressing part for me was this exchange of dialogue:
"I don't want the pain, I don't want the misery . . ."
"We don't always get what we want."
I live in pain daily. And this week, my pain has flared up. I hate it, it sucks.
Life goes on.
Here's the deal though. I have two dear friends who have just found out that there 7 year old son has Leukemia. They wrote on their blog about their son having muscle spasms from the chemotherapy that rated a 10 on the smiley face chart. Been there, done that, got the &*%$* t-shirt. I read that and I cried. I cried for a little boy who has to rate his pain with a smiley face. And let me say, there ain't much to smile about when you get to 10.
I am an adult. I have wrestled with God about why I have to live like this. And those were some serious bouts. Why does a little boy have to suffer that sort of pain? Can he wrestle with God? Can he understand, not the why, but what of it? Can he come to terms with it?
Can I? Have I, can I, come to terms with my own pain?
I don't know . . .
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ME·NAG·ER·IE (plural me·nag·er·ies) noun Definitions: 1. wild animal exhibit: a collection of wild animals kept in captivity for the curiosity and entertainment of the public, sometimes as part of a traveling show 2. wild animal enclosure: an enclosure in which wild animals are kept for public exhibition 3. diverse or exotic group: a diverse, exotic, or unusual group of people or things [Late 17th century.]
A peek at my Library (in no particular order)
- Jean-Luc Marion
- God Without Being
- The Erotic Phenomenon
- Prolegomena to Charity
- Miroslav Volf
- Free of Charge
- Exclusion and Embrace
- Emannuel Levinas
- Of God who Comes to Mind
- Totality and Infinity
- Otherwise than Being
- - Simply Christian: N.T. Wright
- John D. Caputo: The Prayers and Tears of Jacques Derrida
What's in my Ears at the Mo'
About Me
- Brad
- I live in the lovely Rocky Mountains, but find peace in a little house called Thalasa yards from the English Channel, United States
- I am a searcher for the incarnate life in Christ. I am keeper of the menagerie: lover of my Wife Katie, and the best Stay at Home Dad to Rowan that I can be. Best friend To Bobby McGee, and somewhat reluctant steward and friend of Tigger and Basil. I read philosophy for fun. I am a writer, thinker, seeker, and attempting lover of the Other. And admittedly I am bit odd. But that is ok, I embrace my oddness
3 comments:
Brad
Isn't it ironic how perspective and insight often come from life sucking. In the past as you have walked through surgery and all of the pain, side effects and complications I always knew that there was no way I could even imagine the pain. Now that I have watched my child scream, cry and moan through it... I can only say I am so sorry that this is part of your daily existence.
Last night after the boys went to bed, Brian and I sat on the porch and it was really the first time since the diagnosis that we had a conversation. We have traded lots of information, shared instruction, made decisions and planned - but there just had not been a window to sit and talk. One thing Brian mentioned was that the trials of our life end up benefiting us, shaping us into the exact person that God wants us to be. We see that transformation happening moment by moment in our children and our family as we are learning to navigate this new path. Jacob is quickly adapting to processing all that is now happening in his world. The hospitals, doctors, needles, medicine, pain and process are already teaching him to be someone who observes, processes and questions. He is learning how to find his answer and not just the answer people expect. Who knows... there just might be an intellectual in the Carlson family after all. Who knows... maybe your love for knowledge came from and grows from a need to know and understand what is happening in and to you.
Thanks for taking Jake with you to the throne room!
Tanya,
As I think of all of "Shaping experiences" I have had, I wish sometimes that God would just be happy with me the way I am!
And by the way, we all know that there is already a intellectual in the Carlson family. She just doesn't like to admit it.
Remember, take the time to talk with each other. The pain and surgeries and everything are not only a shaping of Jake. They are a shaping of you and Brian and Josh, and that amazing entity which is the carlson family. Just as Jake learns to process and understand, so to do you and Brian
Brad
He is! God is wonderfully happy with you exactly as you are. He knows you! (Scary huh?) He knows you, he created you and he loves you.
He is also your Daddy - and he wants all of you and the best for and out of you. Your a papa - you know.
I have the feeling that Brian and I will be having many, many front porch moments. Thanks for good advice from the voice of experience.
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